Why Improving Executive Function Skills Feels So Hard (Even When You’re Trying)
You sit down, ready to focus. Your calendar’s open. Your to-do list is color-coded. You want to get things moving. You really do. Because deep down, you know this isn’t just about productivity—it’s about improving your executive function skills.
But then it hits—that weird, hazy uncertainty. Wait… what was I supposed to do next? Didn’t I have a plan? Why does everything suddenly feel jumbled?
You stare at the screen, willing your brain to click into gear. But instead, you’re circling—tab to tab, thought to thought. Minutes pass. Still stuck.
So you do what so many of us do: You grab your phone and type something like, “why can’t I just start?” or “ADHD focus hacks.” Just a quick search for answers.
And a few taps later? You’re deep in ADHD TikTok—scrolling through aesthetic planners, miracle morning routines, and the latest $70 app promising to finally fix your focus.
What started as a lifeline quickly turns into another reminder of everything you’re not doing.
Listen—I get it. I’m not judging.I say this as an executive function coach who’s spent way too much time chasing the “perfect” system instead of just starting.(Honestly? I’ve bought full Notion templates with colorful dashboards and custom emojis—then abandoned them after a week.)
And I’m also not talking to you from some zen productivity mountain top, pretending I’ve got it all figured out. Like most people in the digital attention age, I still stumble. I still overthink. I still get lost in the scroll. But I’ve also learned a few things—by working with hundreds of brains (including my own) that don’t fit the typical mold.
What I know now? Executive function skills don’t magically fall into place because you watched the right video or bought the perfect planner. They don’t grow through passive consumption, another app, or a stack of color-coded systems.
Executive function is a skill. And just like a new pair of basketball shoes won’t instantly improve your jump shot—shiny tools alone won’t teach your brain what it actually needs.
So what does help?
Sustained practice. Over time.
(Ugh, I know—booooring. But stick with me.)
Because the goal isn’t to push through with sheer force or muscle your way through another rigid routine you’re not set up for.
It’s to build flexible, supportive habits that actually work with your brain.
Habits that move with your energy.
That honor your needs.
That fit into your real life—not some polished Pinterest version of how you think you’re supposed to operate.
The kind that starts small. Builds gently. And flexes with your life.
But here’s the catch:
Before you can build something sustainable, you’ve got to sidestep the things that trip you up right out of the gate.
Because even when your intentions are solid—
A lot of well-meaning efforts to build executive function… actually make things harder.
So before we dive into what works—
Let’s take a moment to look at what tends to get in the way.
The 3 ADHD Traps That Undermine Executive Skill-Building
Okay—let’s say you are ready.
You’ve read the blogs. Saved the tips. Maybe even added “organize new routine” to your to-do list.
And you genuinely want to build habits that help you stay on track, follow through, and actually finish what you start.
Amazing. So what’s the problem?
Why—despite the motivation and focus—does it still feel like you can’t gain any real momentum?
Well… because the very thing you’re trying to improve—your executive function—is also the thing you need to get started.
What should I do first?
Where do I even begin?
How am I supposed to remember all this?
What if I mess it up again?
It’s that confusing loop of “I want to do better,” but “I need the skills to even begin.”
Yeah. It’s frustrating. And kind of ironic, right?
You’re ready to start building momentum—but the moment you try, your brain throws up a wall of fog, friction, and forgotten steps.
That’s why it’s so important to know what to watch out for before you dive in.
Because when you’re trying to strengthen executive function, it’s really easy to fall into patterns that feel productive—but quietly drain your energy and sabotage your progress.
Let’s name a few of those traps, so they don’t catch you off guard.
Quick note before we dive in:
If you’ve read my previous post on ADHD and executive function, you’ll remember the concept of the fog—those weird, weighty mental blocks that cloud even the best intentions.
Not just distraction. Not just disorganization.
It’s that moment where you want to act, but your brain refuses to cooperate.
We’ll revisit those fog states in more depth shortly. But just know for now:
When I mention things like Start Fog, I’m talking about one of the most common ways executive dysfunction shows up in everyday life.
🔒 Trap 1: The Knowledge Trap – “Now That I Know What to Do, I Can Do It”
This is the classic knowledge = skill illusion.
You hear a helpful tip and think:
- “Oh, right—I just need to get better sleep!”
- “A planner! That’s what I’ve been missing.”
- “I need a solid morning routine. Got it.”
And for a moment, it feels like a breakthrough. You’re clear. Focused. Motivated.
But here’s the trap:
You assume that understanding the what means you’re ready to deliver on the how.
This is often when the Starting Fog slowly begins to roll in —that maddening place where you know exactly what needs to happen…
but nothing’s happening.
Because your system hasn’t been built yet, your routine hasn’t been practiced, and the internal resistance hasn’t been mapped out.
🌪 Trap 2: The Expansion Spiral – “I’ll Just Add This… and This… and This”
You start with one small idea. Solid. Achievable.
Then your brain gets excited. Inspired.
You expand it. Layer it. Refine it.
What began as a 10-minute shift becomes a 3-hour rabbit hole.
This is scope creep’s moment to shine—often fueled by a mix of perfectionism and hyperfixation.
It often sounds like:
“It has to be all figured out first.”
“If it feels too easy, it doesn’t count.”
“I need to add more—or it’s not enough.”
It looks like momentum. It feels like progress.
But more often than not, it ends in burnout, overwhelm, or just quietly abandoning the whole plan mid-way.
🏃♀️ Trap 3: The All-In Overload – “I’ll Try All the Things at Once”
You’ve gathered ideas. You’re craving real change.
So why not try:
- A new morning routine
- A deep work block
- A weekly review
- A color-coded calendar
- That shiny new productivity app…
It sounds committed. It feels ambitious.
But it’s like signing up for a marathon next weekend… after spending six months on the couch.
You don’t need more willpower.
You need stamina.
And stamina is built by developing one skill at a time—not five.
Trying to overhaul everything at once doesn’t make you advanced.
It just makes you exhausted.
How to Build Executive Function Skills in a Sustainable Way
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably thinking:
Okay… so what actually works?
I’ve asked myself that same question more times than I can count.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
What helps isn’t pushing harder, doing more, or forcing yourself to “just stick with it.”
It’s the opposite.
It’s learning the artful pause—the counterintuitive but powerful practice of turning down the noise, doing less, and tuning into what’s really going on beneath the stuckness.
Because if executive function is a skill, then the first move isn’t to push through fog or force yourself forward.
It’s to slow down.
Get curious.
Observe with honesty. Respond with kindness.
Most people skip that step.
They rush into strategies before understanding their patterns—
then wonder why nothing sticks.
Let’s not do that.
Let’s build something more rooted. More responsive.
Here’s a step-by-step flow that’s simple, doable, and designed for how your brain actually works—especially when things feel foggy, scattered, or stuck.
🧭 Step 1: Define the Problem (Pick Your Fog)
Before you can shift anything, you have to name what’s actually going on.
Because when executive function breaks down, it usually doesn’t show up as one dramatic failure. It shows up as something quieter—foggy, familiar, and frustrating.
I call these fog states: that murky in-between place where you want to take action… but can’t seem to get traction.
The 5 Types of Fog:
- Start Fog – You know what to do… but just can’t get started.
- Swirl Fog – Your brain’s juggling too much. Everything feels tangled.
- Drift Fog – You start strong, then lose steam halfway through.
- Hijack Fog – Something grabs your attention mid-task, and poof—focus gone.
- Distraction Spiral – You end up doing everything but the thing that matters.
And here’s what that might look like in real life:
Let’s say it’s Monday. You sit down to work on a report. You open your doc… and then check your email. Then Slack. Then remember you haven’t scheduled a dentist appointment. Somehow, an hour later, your document is still blank—but your inbox is spotless.
That’s not laziness. That’s fog.
And sometimes? It’s more than one type at once.
So let’s pause here and gently check in. No shame. No over-analysis. Just notice.
Try this:
📝 Pick one day this week to observe your own fog.
Set a short 15-minute reminder at the end of your workday and ask:
- When did I feel stuck today?
- What was I trying to do?
- What pulled me away?
- What did I do instead?
- Did it feel more like Start Fog… or maybe Swirl?
📍 Jot it down. On paper. In your phone. In the margins of your planner.
You’re not diagnosing anything—you’re mapping patterns.
This step is less about fixing and more about noticing. And when you notice without judgment, you create room to do something different next time.
🔍 Step 2: Understand What’s Fueling It
Now that you’ve spotted the fog, the next step is to gently ask:
What’s been driving this?
Because fog doesn’t just show up out of nowhere.
It tends to follow patterns—especially when your brain’s been running on the same loop for a while.
Take a closer look:
- Are you usually low on energy when this happens?
- Does the task feel too big—or too undefined?
- Do you notice a pressure to get it just right, or else not at all?
- Is your space, noise level, or setup working against you?
You’re not trying to fix anything yet.
This is just about noticing the conditions that keep showing up when you get stuck.
🧠 Zoom out and ask yourself:
- When does this happen most often?
- What’s going on around me when it does?
- What stories or fears come up in those moments?
- Is this a one-time blip… or part of a bigger pattern?
This is your chance to get honest—with kindness.
Because when you can name what’s really getting in the way, it’s a lot easier to build support that fits you.
❓ Step 3: Ask a Kind Design Question
Once you’ve spotted your fog and named what tends to fuel it, here’s where things get unstuck—gently.
Instead of diving straight into “How do I fix this?” or spiraling into “Why can’t I just—?”
This step is about pausing… and asking the kind of question that opens a door.
I call these magic questions—because the right one has a way of unlocking exactly what you need.
These aren’t “try harder” questions.
They’re “try differently” questions.
The kind that move you forward without pushing harder.
Think of it like this:
💬 If you notice your fog comes from never knowing where to start, try asking:
“If I could only work on this for 10 minutes, what part would I choose?”
💬 If perfectionism is driving your overwhelm, ask:
“What would this look like if it were just okay enough for today?”
💬 If your environment is throwing you off, ask:
“What’s one small shift I could make in my space to support focus?”
💬 Feeling unmotivated or disconnected from the task?
“Why does this even matter to me?”
(And if it doesn’t… maybe it doesn’t belong on your plate.)
Your brain thrives on clear choices, low pressure, and high relevance.
So give it questions that make sense for the moment you’re in—not the idealized version of yourself you think you “should” be.
✨ Try This:
- Write down one of your fog moments.
- Then ask: “What would make this even 10% easier next time?”
Small question. Big clarity.
And once you have that? You’re ready to move. Gently, but meaningfully.
🔄 Step 4: Choose One Tiny Shift (Yes, Tiny)
Okay, deep breath—because this is the part where most people try to do too much, too fast.
But not us.
This step is about finding your Minimum Viable Practice—the absolute smallest shift that still moves you forward.
Not five changes. Not three. Just one.
One shift that feels almost laughably small. So doable it barely registers on the stress radar.
Because we’re not chasing fast change—we’re building slow trust with your brain.
And trust gets built through repetition, not intensity.
Here’s the truth: the reason most executive function strategies don’t stick?
It’s not because you “didn’t try hard enough.”
It’s because the changes were too big, too fast, and not practiced long enough for your brain to believe they mattered.
So instead, try this:
💡 What’s one small shift you can repeat 14 times in a row?
(Not perfectly. Just consistently enough that your brain starts to recognize it.)
- Maybe it’s writing down your next step before closing your laptop.
- Or putting one sticky note on your desk with today’s one priority.
- Or checking your calendar before you open any tabs in the morning.
- Or even just naming the fog out loud when you feel it roll in.
You’re not doing this to be “productive.”
You’re doing it to build proof. Proof that you can show up in small ways.
Proof that you can trust yourself to follow through—without white-knuckling it.
🌀 ADHD brains thrive on novelty, but they grow through pacing.
So let this be your practice:
Small. Repeatable. Imperfect.
Let it be boring. Let it be enough.
And just like that—you’re laying the foundation.
🪴 Step 5: Track + Celebrate (Yes, Really)
If there’s one step that makes the others stick—it’s this one.
Because without reflection? Practice starts to feel… aimless.
Tedious. Invisible.
Like you’re showing up every day, but nothing’s really changing.
But the truth is—it is.
You’re doing the work. You’re building the skills.
You’re choosing to stay with it, even when it feels small, slow, or quiet.
And your brain needs to see that.
🧠 When you pause to notice your effort, it reinforces the neural pathways you’re working so hard to build.
That’s how executive function grows—not just through repetition, but through reflection. Through witnessing.
The difference between wandering and growth is intention.
So make space—on purpose—to look back and ask:
- What helped this week?
- What didn’t?
- When did things feel easier?
- What threw me off?
- What do I want to try again?
And then—celebrate.
Not because it was perfect.
Not because you nailed it every day.
But because you showed up. You noticed. You cared.
✨ Whether it’s a journal check-in, a voice note to yourself, a 10-minute chat with a friend or coach—choose a method that feels natural to you.
This part doesn’t have to be complicated.
It just has to be intentional.
Because this is what fuels long-term momentum.
It’s what builds resilience.
It’s what turns all those tiny, quiet actions into something meaningful.
This is how change takes root:
One mindful pause. One moment of appreciation. One week at a time.
Beyond Habits—Build a System That Supports You
Executive function isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s not about willpower, discipline, or how badly you want to succeed.
It’s about conditions.
Supportive ones. Thoughtful ones. Ones that make space for how your brain actually works.
When those conditions are in place?
That’s when real change becomes possible.
Not all at once. Not perfectly. But sustainably—and on your terms.
So if you’re tired of trying to hack your way through executive dysfunction—I’m here for that.
Because you don’t need another overhaul.
You need a system that meets you where you are.
That’s the work I do with clients every day.
Not just understanding their brain—but designing rhythms, rituals, and supports that honor it.
And if you want help building that kind of system for yourself?
Let’s talk.
👉 Book a free clarity call—a gentle, no-pressure space to explore what working with your brain could actually look like.
Or, if you’re not quite ready for that?
Just start here:
- Pick your fog
- Ask a kinder question
- Try one tiny shift
- Reflect and repeat
✨ And let that be enough—for now.Because this isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about finally giving your brain the support it’s always deserved.